The Luminosity Series (Book 1): Luminosity Page 8

  Out of nowhere, a snap of twigs and broken leaves interrupted the dead, silent air. Alert, I snapped my head back to the side. It wasn’t that I hadn’t expected he’d find me here, but the sight of him just feet behind me after so long startled me. He wasn’t the same. He was quiet, a darkness overtaking him—an unfamiliar weakness. And when his presence hit me, his expression faltered. I took in a breath, remaining motionless as he studied my watery eyes, striving to find a sense of familiarity. In that moment, I traveled back to the past, recalling his carefree smile. But the tears blurred my vision with a cloudiness that made me lose sight of it.

  “Hi Evan...” I choked, failing to deny the emotions rushing back. He swallowed, unable to speak as he inched closer. Memories fogged my brain, making me weightless as one by one, the droplets rushed down my cheek. On the inside, I panicked as he stepped beside me. His face stayed hard, cold, and unmoved by my presence this time. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or relieved by my attendance. And just as I looked upon the more grown-up version of him, his exhausted, hoarse voice filled the silence.

  “I saw you at the fields yesterday. Why did you run? Do you think I’m stupid? That I wouldn’t see you? What are you doing back here, Aubrey?” he asked, his forehead creasing in resentment as he glowered at the roses on the ground.

  “Janelle told me you still lived here. I—I’m sorry,” I said, surprised by his reaction.

  “Sorry for what? For leaving this place behind, or for playing dead for three years?” he asked.

  “I made a mistake by leaving. And I will never forgive myself for it,” I said, frustrated by his stubbornness. He let out a heavy breath as I continued to stand there.

  “Look, I can’t pretend I’m not still disappointed in what you did, so I don’t know what you expect me to say,” he said, wincing as his voice faded. Tears rolled down my cheek as I looked down. He seemed guilty by his initial reaction, but his expression was still distant.

  “You could start by saying hi,” I said, wiping away the sorrow.

  “Hi…”

  “You look different.”

  Evan’s hair was shorter now, and just like me, he had gotten skinnier. But his physical strength provided the right level of distraction from it. His expression softened as he continued to stare.

  “Things have changed. Even me,” he said. He watched me out of the corner of his eye as I glanced beyond the fences surrounding the cemetery. “So are you staying this time, or are you going back?” he asked.

  “I’m staying.” I blinked at the ground. After a brief pause, he spoke up again.

  “Good,” he said, analyzing me. He took a step closer as the breeze danced through my long, shadowy hair, swirling in his direction.

  “You know, I didn’t expect to see you again... especially after everything that’s happened past these borders,” he said, squinting as he stared out at the horizon. “It wasn’t easy hearing the news... with all the riots and violence going on,” he continued, tensing up. I swallowed as my eyes drifted away from him, fluttering, yet desperate to stay focused.

  “Evan…”

  “I didn’t sleep for months. Some days I even wondered if you died… like him,” he said out of spite, nodding to his father’s gravestone. Grief was the one thing he and I had in common. Both of our fathers left the world too soon.

  “I’m so, so sorry…” I choked out.

  “You didn’t have to leave, Aubrey,” he said, interrupting my guilt.

  “I didn’t know what else to do. I thought things were over that night. Sometimes I still don’t understand why I lived through this,” I said.

  “That’s the problem with you. You think that just because certain things are out of your control, there’s no use trying. Well, I refuse to give in to that. Even now. And I don’t stop loving people just because I’ve found out my life isn’t what I expected it to be,” he said.

  “This isn’t just about me. The people we care about will die, Evan. We’ll be separated from everyone by this at some point. It’ll either be hunger, or illness, or god forbid one of us gets chosen and the other doesn’t. Even if we were both lucky enough to go down there, we have no idea what the colonies would be like. Doesn’t that scare you?” I asked. A long pause lingered as the wind picked up again. He spaced out, still staring off toward the horizon.

  The trees grew bare of leaves, their bark reflecting the glimmers of light gleaming from the sky. After being hypnotized by their motion, torment overtook me. The sun played tricks on us, the way it seduced us on the eve of Armageddon. The paradox sickened me. Evan’s jaw tensed as he tossed a small pebble at the fence. The impact rattled it, creating a jingling sound as it bounced back onto the ground and came to a stop in the dirt.

  “Of course it scares me, Aubrey... It worries the hell out of me. But it makes this time more valuable. And it doesn’t justify your decision to quit on people. My father left me too soon too. And what happened to him wasn’t fair either,” he said, appearing defeated. I filled my lungs before looking up. He was right. It was wrong of me to leave. Running away gave off the illusion that I had the power to change this. But I didn’t. And above all, it forced me to hide from my greatest fear—living my life in spite of my lack of control.

  “But… don’t you ever just wish this was over already?” I asked.

  “Not yet,” he said. I blinked in regret, hoping to find evidence of emotion behind his eyes, but it wasn’t there. The paralyzing warmth in his glance vanished. Now, he seemed too serious—too distracted. I batted away the tears again, avoiding his gaze.

  “I’m sorry, Evan. I am,” I said under my breath. Things stayed silent for a short time before he spoke again.

  “What made you come back here? Be honest,” he asked, looking up at me.

  “My mother needed me.” I paused. “The worst part about it… is knowing she doesn’t get a second chance. So I had to choose… I’d either risk everything to redeem a fraction of a conscience before this started, or I’d spend the next few years wondering if I could have made things right again. I couldn’t live with that regret. Besides, I had nothing else left to lose. That’s why I came back,” I said.

  “Well, it was a risk, I’ll give you that. But what are you doing, Aubrey? Where are you living?” he asked, swallowing.

  “I’m working at the hospital and staying with my mom for now.”

  “What she did was wrong, Aubs,” he said. I shook my head with angry tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

  “Even still, I can’t blame her for it. She’s right. She never had a chance. She was given a death sentence that night. So I say let her do whatever the hell she wants,” I snapped with conviction, blinking. He gave me a sympathetic stare before continuing.

  “What she did may have gotten other hospital patients killed, Aubrey. People needed that medication to stay alive,” he said.

  “And how do we know they’re getting what they need? All of this is wrong. How they’re controlling our lives. The way they’re cherry picking who gets what, let alone who lives and who dies. So what difference does it make?” Tears dwelled in my eyes as he stayed quiet. “She needed an escape. Sometimes that’s all we need. But it doesn’t mean we’ve given up, or forgotten where we’ve come from. It means that in order for us to breathe, we can’t stay in one place for too long. And this place is suffocating her, just like it did to me,” I added. He was still staring as the silence of the cemetery filled the air.

  “But you didn’t have to run away, Aubrey. You could have faced this here, with her, with me, with Janelle. You ran because you were afraid you’d find a reason to stay here.”

  It wasn’t fair, the way he kept aiming the spotlight on me, as if I was the only person who made any mistakes. And his secret infuriated me. Suddenly, I couldn’t hold back any longer.

  “You’re not so innocent yourself. Janelle told me about the tunnel, so enough with the accusations.” I turned to him in annoyance. He held in a breath while clenching his jaw.r />
  “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, seeing as she could never keep her mouth shut around you,” Evan said in a low tone.

  “What are you thinking? What if you were caught? You’d be taken away to a prison camp in the middle of nowhere. Or worse, they’d kill you! And you think other people wouldn’t be affected by the choices you’ve made? You’re such a hypocrite,” I lashed out.

  “It’s funny hearing this from you. You risked your life already, Aubrey. Once by leaving, the other by coming back.”

  “That’s different.” I blinked.

  “How? How is it different?” he asked.

  “I didn’t break the law.”

  “No, you just broke something else.” He looked away in a huff as my eyes narrowed. “Besides, you said it yourself. Sometimes we need an escape. Well, none of us have that privilege anymore, so we have no choice but to sneak around,” he added.

  We stayed silent for several moments while I listened to his enraged breathing.

  “Speaking of choices, can I ask you something?” I blurted out. He shook his head with an angry smirk.

  “What?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck impatiently.

  “Why are you working at the supply fields?”

  “What do you mean? I have to. It’s not like my father’s inheritance has value nowadays.”

  “You could have enlisted in the military and had a better shot at qualification.”

  “Well, maybe I didn’t want that chance, Aubrey. Did you ever think of that?” he snapped.

  “But why wouldn’t you?”

  He chuckled.

  “Do you really believe our soldiers have greater odds at a colony? They outnumber civilians by a ratio of three to one. Besides, I would have been put on a waiting list to either guard the fences, or go into combat training. I figured I’d be much more useful at the fields helping with preparations than wasting my time on some stupid defense operation.” He sighed before continuing. “It’s what my mother wanted too. She spent months blaming my decision to stay a civilian on my father’s death. And maybe his death did influence that decision, but trust me when I say this, Aubrey… there’s no sense in fighting this war going on outside the borders. The government wants us to think they have control over what happens out there, but they don’t. Things are already out of their control. Out there, it’s only proof of how bad it is, and it’s only a matter of time before this place loses more people to violence. I’d rather spend the last of my years preparing for a good future than killing more innocent people,” he said.

  “But innocent people are already being killed by our leaders. For disobeying authority.”

  “Yeah? Well, you’re not the only one who needed to run. Maybe we all needed an escape from this just as much as you did,” he said before turning away. Furious, I gripped his arm to stop him.

  “This isn’t a game, Evan. Promise me you won’t go out there anymore,” I demanded. He laughed in disbelief before getting serious again.

  “Why are you suddenly so concerned about what I do anyway? You disappeared, Aubrey. Where were you when the ones you loved needed you most?” he asked. My guilt took over as my lip shivered. On the verge of tears again, I spoke with a unsteady voice.

  “Where was I? I was living a nightmare, trying to convince myself I was already dead so that this wouldn’t seem real. But this isn’t over for us. You told me that once,” I said, my focus falling toward the ground. He paused for a second, the warmth in his eyes returning.

  “If I make you a promise, what will you promise me in return?” he asked, squinting into the sunset before looking at me.

  “What do you want?” I asked, cautious to look up. He drew in a deep breath, his glances drifting back and forth from the scar next to my eye, to my empty gaze.

  “I want you to stop feeling guilty for surviving that accident. I want you to stop being afraid that your life might still mean something, that it can be more than just this regret you’re holding onto,” he stated, looking toward the fence. I squinted back tears.

  “I can’t promise that,” I said in a broken voice. His expression faltered, and within seconds, the hint of hope faded.

  “Then I can’t make you any promises either…” he answered, walking away in disappointment.

  Minutes passed as I stood there, gazing toward the mountains. I looked behind me at the cracked cement roadway leading to the cemetery gate. After making sure Evan was out of sight, I strayed up to the fence, taking a deep breath. Barbed wire intertwined the top in a tangled mess, as if tossed up there accidentally. A sign hung every few feet that warned us, reading “Unregulated Territory - Access Beyond this Point Strictly Prohibited.” At times I wondered what it would be like to go past the border. Perhaps life out there wasn’t much different than it was in here. For all we knew, people lived their lives free from gates, iron fences, and barricades for years, released from the shackles of regulation and imprisonment. Maybe risking our lives was our only escape.

  10 SYMBOLS

  The melody of old music blared into my ears as I positioned one foot in front of the other. The fact that the iPod still functioned after resting in the dresser drawer for years shocked me. And for the first time since returning home, life felt familiar again. But after jogging a good thirty minutes, a thundering growl interjected me out of my reflection. Above, a familiar flock of military helicopters tore through the early dawn, migrating north toward the mountains. Even though their buzz was frequent, the possibility of an attack troubled me. Anxious by the thought of it, I reflected on my conversation with Evan as I arrived at the fence. The warning sign stared me in the face again—a reminder, a deterrent. A twinge of shame struck me as my accusations suddenly mirrored my own choices. Hypocrite? Who was I to criticize him for sneaking past the border? I was doing the same thing for the same reasons.

  I tucked the iPod inside the pocket of my jacket. Being on constant guard was my only defense along the trail. I should have known better than to come out here again, especially after hearing the horror stories from Sonya. But something about seeing the town from above was peaceful. Maybe because from up here, I wasn’t a part of it anymore.

  Two weeks had passed since I ran into Evan at the cemetery. I spent most of that time worrying, curious of the risks they were taking and the rules they were breaking by slipping past the border. But after spending nearly a month in this town, I figured it was worth the compromise.

  Much of the pathway heading up the hillside was strewn with branches, grass, pine cones, and twigs from blasts of wind. As I trekked through the foggy blue glow of dawn, I glanced at the town below. The sun lurked behind the horizon, rising later now that autumn was upon us. I took in the thin air as I forced each foot in front of the other, my pulse racing from the sharp incline before coming to my familiar turnaround spot. But when I reached a break in the trail, an unexpected shadow caught the angle of my eye. I crouched to the ground in defense as I identified what the unrecognizable object was—a cairn—a three-foot tall pile of large stones. They decreased in size toward the top, in a neat, harmonious balance. I squinted as my heart hammered in terror at the riddle of who could have put it there, and when. Even if I hadn’t noticed it initially, the recent storm would have surely knocked it over. This could only mean one thing—I wasn’t the only person to wander these trails since the night of the windstorm, after the guard at the hospital warned of a security breach at the perimeter. Someone had been here. Someone who may have seen me up here before. The same outsider spying on me now. And as soon as the paranoia hit me, I regretted wandering out here. I jolted my head around, taking a few steps backward as my heartbeat skyrocketed. Hiding within the needles of a nearby pine tree was my only choice. But if I had been spotted out here, I wouldn’t be fooling anybody.

  “Shit…” I whispered to myself as I examined my surroundings. I stood only ten feet from the trail. In scouting out a place to run, dreadful questions struck me—what would they do if the guards found me? Ho
w would I explain why I was up here? Would they even let me? I closed my eyes and exhaled before peeking through the branches of the tree. I had to at least try to go back before it got too bright outside. But when I looked back at the cairn, the stones stole my attention as it came into focus again. On the center rock was a series of black symbols etched into it—a message marked in a language of celestial glyphs and figures. They resembled ancient Indian markings—petroglyphs—like the ones Janelle spoke of. I figured if I walked away now, the temptation would leave me. But I couldn’t.

  I snapped my head to the horizon. The sunbeams stretched above the mountains now, spilling their illumination onto the tops of nearby peaks. Not far from me, another cluster of helicopters headed in my course. It was now or never.

  I crept through the trees until reaching the cairn. And as I approached, a shiny object shimmered in the sunrise, resting at the top. I checked every direction before picking it up. Hooked to a chain hung a large pendant that opened into a compass. Engraved along the round edging of it lied a collection of letters and numbers, unevenly spaced. It was a set of coordinates, though I didn’t understand how to read it. I winced as I turned it over, finding the letters “A.R.E.” embossed into it. Confused, I flipped it around, letting it dangle as the glimmering yellow dazzled me with its brilliance in the morning rays. And within the incandescent blaze, my mother’s words came rushing back.

  “It was a compass made of real gold, which is why they took it. Those assholes. You know they don’t allow civilians to have valuables anymore.”

  Along with my conclusion, it escaped my fingers, dropping onto the ground as I jumped from the choppers hovering my way. I had to run. I grasped the compass, my reflection disappearing as I shoved it in my pocket, charging south toward the trees. After dashing behind one of the larger pines, I was hopeful I’d blend in enough to not be seen from above. And as the choppers passed, I caught my breath in the onrush of dawn. Seconds later, as my heart rate returned to normal, my father came to mind.